Expensive Sunglasses- Forgetful Mom and Dad

I remember when Melissa was pregnant with our son, Rylan, she was very forgetful.  She would tell me something and then tell me the same thing 2 minutes later.   She would forget a lot.  It was like her IQ dropped 10 points.  This is very common for moms to be.  For new dads to be, get ready to be the memories of your wives.

Don’t worry the memory does come back.  Once your baby is born, your wife is your memory.   She will tell you what needs to be done and when.  As a dad, you will even ask if you are doing everything right.

A couple of days ago my wife, Rylan, and I went shopping at Kohl’s.  We had a 30% off coupon so we did our best to be frugal.  On the way into Kohl’s I complained to Melissa that I still had sunglasses on top of my head and I didn’t want to leave them in the dressing room with me.  All three of us got clothes.  Melissa and I had to try ours on.  We probably spent an hour shopping.  We had some great mom and dad teamwork.  I would watch Rylan when she was trying on clothes and I would watch Rylan when she would try on clothes.

We paid for our clothes and some other things at Kohl’s with our 30% off.  About the same spot I complained to Melissa about bringing in my sunglasses, I said, “Oh crud, where are my sunglasses.”  I really said some other words that I should not say in front of my son.

Then Melissa said, “Oh crud, I don’t have mine either.  I hope they are still in the dressing room”

My sunglasses wouldn’t have been a big deal since they were the grocery store special.  Melissa’s sunglasses were a different story.  I believe they were a $300 gift of very expensive plastic.  I sure can’t tell the difference between them and my grocery store special glasses.

Needless to say, either Kohl’s customers do not know anything about designer sunglasses like me or they are very kind and let the person come back and retrieve them.  This dad will take both of those answers.  I am just glad we both got our sunglasses back and our mom and dad forgetfulness was not costly.  I am also glad that we both forgot our sunglasses or my wife would have something to hold against me.

Real Dad Blog Version:  My wife and I forgot our sunglasses.  We got them back.  Phew!  Never bring your sunglasses into a store’s dressing room.

Mom and Dad Teamwork

Melissa had a happy hour tonight with some of her former coworkers.  The company she worked for went under about a year ago and they get together every once in a while.  We were supposed to go together tonight with Rylan, but, of course, I didn’t really want to.  (I would have been the only husband/wife there).   She was still supposed to take Rylan to go see her former coworkers.  It was 5:00 and Rylan was still taking a nap (he had a baby shot today).

“David, should I wake Rylan up it is almost 5:00.”

“Won’t it be a pain in the butt to feed him with all those people there?”

“Yes it would be a pain in the butt.  I can still bring him”

“Babe, you can leave him here and I’ll feed him dinner and everything else.  It will be fun for you to go and Rylan does need his sleep.”

“You need to do your essay and I told you that I would take him.” (I am taking some continuing education classes)

“I have to do like 27 pages of essays, one can wait. You go and I can take care of Rylan.  Again, it will be a pain in the butt to feed him and he does need his sleep.”

“Are you sure?  I am taking Rylan so you can work on your essay questions.”

“Babe, I can watch him.  You had this planned for a while before I planned on even doing those classes.  Go have fun.”

“OK.  I owe you.”

“That sounds good to me.  I will think of something good.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Kiss

We had some great communication on that one.  Melissa got to have a mommy break and go meet some former coworkers.  I got to play with my son for two hours instead of work on my essay questions.  That sounds like a very good tradeoff to me.  I knew exactly what I was doing when we had that teamwork of who was going to take of Rylan.  “Happy wife, happy life.”

Real Dad Blog Version:   Wife wanted to go to happy hour.  We had some teamwork to make it work.

Odds and ends:  I saw the movie Revolutionary Road.  It was a very slow movie.  I do not recommend it

Now there is the blow fart.  The blow fart is when you blow on the other persons skin and it makes a farting noise.  Usually when it happens on the belly, the other person laughs in terror.  They go “Please stop, please stop.”  If you do it to a little one they may push your face away.  Well, my son Rylan is a little different.  He doesn’t move when I do it on his cheek.  He comes back for more and more and more.  He sometimes laughs and sometimes just sits there like in the video.  As parents, sometimes we can laugh at the little one’s thunder.

No wonder we like to fart, it is fun, and relieving and just plain feels good.  The worst things are holding it in and the smells.  Think of a time when you are at church or at a movie when someone lets a stinky fart, oh the dread!

New dads and moms, parents, get use to the farts that are loud, earth shaking and surprisingly not stinky.  Poops are a different story.  Most of all enjoy the blow farts.  You will be dealing with those and the real farts for the rest of your lives.

Dad Blog – New Dad: version:  baby farts are hilarious.  I never knew baby’s could rip it. The blow fart is a lot of fun.  It teaches the kid to enjoy the fart.

Your Dada Dresses You Funny

Tonight I did it again!

You have heard the phrase; “Your mamma dresses you funny.”  I think most cases though it should be this phrase; “Your dada dresses you funny.

This has happened to every dad.  You put on your kids clothes.  It takes 4 times longer than what your wife could do.  When you bring your child to see their mother in your pride stride that you just dressed your child you get the weird look and snide comment, “Those pants do not go with that shirt!”  Then they go change them.

Most nights I get my son Rylan ready for bed.  Almost every night I dress him with his PJ’s on correct.    His pants on and his shirt buttoned correctly.  They are not backwards or anything.  Sometimes, I do put his diaper on the wrong way so I have to lift his little bum up so the grips are the right way.  I always have to remember, Big Bird goes in front. Tonight I missed the top bottom on his shirts.  Who points it out?  The suffering misses, Melissa, of course.  I, obviously, did not see it.  There are reason for this dressing your kids funny.

Dads, or, maybe better yet, most guys sometimes have this problem of dressing funny.  You know wearing navy blue pants with a black shirt.  Or white socks with dress slacks.  I think almost every dad has done one of those.   If it weren’t for my wife, I still would be wearing white socks with dress slacks or pleated pants that are too big.  She has made me socially conscience of the way I dress.  The majority of guys are not metro sexual.  (I think Melissa sometimes tries to make me that way).

I think this idea of your dada dressing you funny starts as young boys. Think about the time you were 5.  We were always so excited to play cops and robbers then build houses from blocks and to top it off go destroy our GI Joes with a sling shot that we didn’t care what clothes we put on. We would be happy to go out in our underwear.  Our mother’s lost hope of dressing us with all of our energy.  They let us wear our navy blue shorts, black shirt and cowboy hat with cowboy boots when we went out the door.  We sure were not their little girls.

The reason your mamma does not dress you funny is because as girls that is what they did, they played dress up!  5-year-old girls wear their sparkling princes shoes with the matching pink dress, which also match the gloves.  Girls color coordinate!  Guys are not the best at that.

Dad Dressing His Son Funny

If women would see another woman wear navy blue with black or white socks with black shoes, it would gossip central.  If a guy would see that… Well, most guys wouldn’t see that.

Guys are different.  They dress for comfort and really do not care if they goof up on getting dress.  I missed a button tonight.  Not the worse thing in the world.  At least I did not let Rylan wear black and navy blue to a wedding, like I did once. As a dad, I will dress my kid funny.  Not on purpose, but, because I don’t know better.  Your dada will dress you funny.