Adult Butt Wipes - A recommendation for a dad

Real Dad Blog Version:  Try adult butt wipes.  It will add an extra skip to your step and leave you refreshed after you do your duty in the bathroom.

About four years ago, I was at my older brother’s office in Florida. I had to go number two very badly. I went to reach for the toilet paper and there was nothing. I stood up and looked for toilet paper all around the bathroom, but the toilet paper was nowhere to be found. What to do? What to do? Should I use paper towels? Should I just not clean my butt (ick!) Low and behold, what do I see in front of me? Baby butt wipes!!!! I never used them before but why not? That was an experience in itself; my butt never felt so clean after pooping in a public place.

I later asked my brother why there was no toilet paper. He gave me a similar story about him being home and there being no toilet paper around for him to use. Since they had a little one, he decided to try butt wipes. He got hooked. Butt wipes are all he uses now.

Not being shy, I have shared my butt wipes experiences with other people. I have actually got some people hooked on butt wipes. They use the butt wipes religiously after going number two. One person I know is a former division I national champion football player. He has been using them for years. He has also got a lot of people hooked on butt wipes. Even the toughest of men use butt wipes proudly.

I barely use adult wipes myself unless I am somewhere else. I am very regular. I wake p in the morning, go poop, and I am able to use the shower, which is the best cleaner of the fanny.

What are the benefits of keeping some butt wipes on you? It will help prevent anal itch. Anal itch is horrible! It will give you a cleaner butt. It will also help you not use icky public toilet paper, which actually feels like the tree it came from. As my friend Matt would say after being introduced to butt wipes, “I now have an extra skip in my step.”

Be a man, and give them a try. You use them on your kids!

Cute Baby Picture

Real Dad Blog Version: If you are a dad and you enter your kids into a cutest baby contest, I am sorry, but you are not a real dad.

In the news lately, I have been hearing about those darn baby contests. They are online contests for who think they have the cutest baby or even kid. Gerber has three cute babies you can vote on. The cutest baby gets $25,000. You can check it out at The Cute Kid. I have to admit those are some cute kids. Their smiles will make you smile.

Your local newspaper may sponsor a cutest baby/child contest and you may have already entered your baby into a contest. OK, you better not have. It better have been your wife that entered your baby or child. It is OK for your wife to do this!

As a dad, how should you feel about entering your kids into a cutest baby contest? First, you should feel that your baby is the cutest in the world no matter what, contest or not. Even if your baby is ugly in everyone else’s eyes, you are going to think your baby is the cutest. Second, you shouldn’t even enter your kids into these contests. It is not worth your time. Your wife can do that and have high hopes. If you are going to enter these contest you are going to break a dad rule / man rule. You should feel these contests are wrong, especially for boys. Third and finally, you have better things to do like getting them ready for their future sports scholarship.

Cutest Baby - Dad's Little Boy

All I have to say to these cute baby contests and cute kid contests, is my baby is the cutest. Any dad would say this about their kids.

So Rylan, you are the cutest and more importantly the coolest. Wait!!! Saying that, did I write $25,000 earlier this dad blog post? I might just have to do enter my son into a cutest baby contest.

Note: This dad blog post is sarcastic and makes fun of dads who enter their kids into these contests. I do not blame you for seeing dollar signs in your future. How likely is that though? Dads can have dreams too.

Funny Baby Picture - Baby Plumber's Crack Butt

Most guys show their butt crack whether they’re working on their cars or actually plumbing.  This is not on purpose and we usually do not think the plumber’s crack is showing.  I admit mine shows a lot especially with the jeans my wife makes me buy.  I might be picking up a toy or I may be doing some housework causing my butt crack to show.  It is the worst when my wife is walking by and she sticks her finger right on top of the crack.

I am the first to point out plumber’s crack.  I see plumber’s crack when I am at the grocery store and someone bends over to get the food off the bottom shelf.   I also see plumber’s crack when I am driving.  The immature dad in me does point it out.  I can’t help but laugh.

Before we had Rylan, I never saw my wife have plumber’s crack.  When she was pregnant, I started seeing butt crack.  I was the first to point it out.  I think that goes hand in hand with the new gas attack that pregnant women get.  It must let the excess gas out?  That plumber crack sometimes still shows sometimes when she bends over.

Funny Baby Picture - Baby Showing his Butt Crack

Now comes the baby plumbers crack.  We were getting the little boy ready for swimming.  He had his swim diaper on and his swim gear.  All of a sudden he started reaching for a toy.  And then, instead of hysteria of pointing out, “I see plumber’s crack,” it comes out from Rylan’s mom as, “Ohhh cute, his butt crack is showing!”

Only if I could get, “Ohhh cute, he has plumber’s crack,” from my wife instead of the finger on top of the crack.

Oh, the pride and joy of being a husband and a new dad.

Read Dad Blog Version:  Plumber cracks are hilarious.  My son had his first plumber’s crack today.  I had a good laugh.

If you like this Funny Baby Picture Post  you may also like:
See  Funny Baby Face Pictures

My Baby Getting a Kiss

Like father like son, Rylan is a stud.  Besides getting kisses from his relatives, mom, and dad, Rylan has already been receiving kisses from his little girlfriends; two to be exact.  For privacy reasons we will leave the kids names out who have kissed him.  They see my boy a lot and are quite fond of him and he is fond of them as well.

We all think we remember our first kisses.  I am guessing we don’t because Rylan has already been kissed by baby girls.   I sure

My Baby's First Kiss with one of His Girlfriends

hope I was kissed like that when I was my son’s age.  Mom, was I kissed like that when I was a baby? The first time I kissed a girl that I remember was back in 3^rd grade.  I had no idea what I was doing and really, it did not mean much.  I would much rather have been playing baseball or been sitting on my but playing Baseball Stars on Nintendo.  I had no idea what I was doing and I am sure she did not either.  My first real kiss was when I was 15.  I was like, oh, this what is a kiss should feel like.  This wet and slimy stuff – playing tonsil hockey is pretty cool.

Baby practicing his romantic toy skills

Rylan, I have some kissing wisdom for you.

1. 1,  The little cuties are kissing you right now.  Please wait until you are older, your mom would like you to wait until you’re married.  I think fifteen or sixteen is a good age.
2. 2.  In your younger years, and in your teenage years, sports and school come first.  All you better be thinking about is sports when you are in your younger years (mom says and her too).  Girls should be labeled as gross but OK to be friends with.
3. Never ever let this last picture happen to you again.  I realize
   

   Baby Caught of Guard from Kissing Baby Boy

   you’re young and innocent and obviously are caught off guard.

Real Dad Blog Version:  My son is a stud; girls are kissing him left and right.  Just remember Rylan,  sports come first (and mom) and don’t you ever let a boy kiss you again.

FYI… For all you political people out there, keep your comments to yourself.  (i.e. But what if he is….).  It is a blog.

For all new dads out there, you may find this post funny

A New Dad Taking One for the Team Getting Peed On!

Rylan Doing Something Other Than Peeing On Dad

It was bath night for Rylan, as it is every couple of days.  Melissa usually gives baths to Rylan and she enjoys giving him baths.  Tonight she wanted me to help for “moral support.”  I know there was something else behind this.  This “moral support” I gave her came at a price.  The price was getting peed on. I have been peed on before but tonight was different.

Here is the story.  I was handling customer service issues on the laptop.  She asked me to come and help with Rylan’s bath.  Melissa wanted some moral support even though she did not need me.  I was happy to help.   I put Rylan on his changing table and got him almost in the buck.  All he had on was his diaper.  I checked under his little bum to see if he pooped.  I thought I dodged the bullet.  Rylan had another bullet ready for me.  I picked him up as Melissa just finished filling up the tub.  I “daddy zoomed” him the bathroom excitingly saying, “bath time!” to him.  I held him up facing at me with my hands holding him between his armpits as Melissa took off his diaper.  As soon as the diaper came off, the pee stream came at me like the Bob peeing out the fire in Strange Brew.  Ahhhhhhhh!!!!! I screamed like a little girl.  I had a wet spot on me like I peed my pants.  Unfortunately I was not smart enough to take a picture of this.   And hopefully, I am smart enough not to let it happen again.

Should I be mad at Melissa for her having the nerve to tell her million friends on Facebook?  I guess I was due for the fart comment in New Dad Enjoyment – The Blow Fart, from a couple of dad blogs ago.

New Dads, please take this as a suggestion.  Never, ever take off the diaper with your baby facing at you, especially if you have a boy.  It could make you scream like a girl.  My excuse for facing Rylan at me is it was better than facing him at Melissa.  It took one for the team.  Lessons to learn from being a new parent.

Real Dad Blog version:  I got peed on again.  Thanks Rylan for peeing on dad!  This time at bath time.  I hope I learned my lesson, as I should have the other times.

Now there is the blow fart.  The blow fart is when you blow on the other persons skin and it makes a farting noise.  Usually when it happens on the belly, the other person laughs in terror.  They go “Please stop, please stop.”  If you do it to a little one they may push your face away.  Well, my son Rylan is a little different.  He doesn’t move when I do it on his cheek.  He comes back for more and more and more.  He sometimes laughs and sometimes just sits there like in the video.  As parents, sometimes we can laugh at the little one’s thunder.

No wonder we like to fart, it is fun, and relieving and just plain feels good.  The worst things are holding it in and the smells.  Think of a time when you are at church or at a movie when someone lets a stinky fart, oh the dread!

New dads and moms, parents, get use to the farts that are loud, earth shaking and surprisingly not stinky.  Poops are a different story.  Most of all enjoy the blow farts.  You will be dealing with those and the real farts for the rest of your lives.

Dad Blog – New Dad: version:  baby farts are hilarious.  I never knew baby’s could rip it. The blow fart is a lot of fun.  It teaches the kid to enjoy the fart.

Rylan's Funny Baby Face

The best pictures though are pictures of funny faces our kids make. Rylan has his 2 bottom teeth in. Ever since he has had his two bottom teeth in he has been making a funny face just to feel his bottom teeth with his upper lip. Here are the funny face pictures of our big baby boy.

Just make sure that dads also takes pictures when they can.  Pictures will always give you memories. You can also teach your kids to make funny faces in the mirror.  My 10th grade health teacher always said that people who made faces in the mirrors every morning are happier people and live longer.  My wife gets a kick out of the faces I make.  So will your kids.

Rylan looking funny

Update****  We have been redirecting Rylan  from making this face.  It was pretty easy by putting a toy in his hand when ever he made the face or distracting him by making his baby laugh.  He was getting a chapped upper lip.  Too bad we cannot redirect him from getting a diaper rash!

You can see other funny pictures here at the Humor Blog it is a cute set of 9 pictures.  Of course, I think my kids face is the funniest but I am being a normal dad.

The cute baby picture to make up for the funny baby pictures